Am I Queer Enough?

By M. Void

Hi, hello, yes. Let me introduce myself. I’m a genderfluid, non-binary, AFAB person. I don’t always look queer but trust me, I am. I’ve fallen into infatuation with a few good women, dated and loved a mustache-wearing triple pronoun using non-binary, and my current boyfriend even calls me his cute clown-boyfriend. Though, even with all of this blatant evidence of me being far from straight, I still find myself asking the question, “Am I queer enough?”

What the hell is queer enough though? Why do I and others I’ve spoken with feel as though their brand of queer isn’t valid? It’s silly to say but there is an LGBTQ+ hierarchy, with gay classica sitting pretty at the top. Look, I get it, for the longest time the world was divided into straights, gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. Back then and even today people think bi folk are either straight pretending or gay lying.The unfortunate truth is: If you don’t look outwardly queer or if you’re not a clear cut, same-sex couple you’re not accepted as queer by a portion of the LGBTQ+ community.

Same sex couples were the first to deviate from the social norm, they’re some of the great leaders of the queer community. There’s nothing and no one disputing that. We love our gay revolutionists and we celebrate those who sacrificed everything to blaze the trail for us but the traditional LGB lifestyles are no longer the only valid form of queerdom. It’s LGBTQiA+ for a reason.
I get questioned about my orientation a lot, especially when I’m a primarily femme presenting human dating a cis male who also doesn’t automatically get clocked as queer, which he is. We just look like a regular cis het punk couple and that’s how people treat us. They see us together and make assumptions and then when we say we’re queer they think we’re pretending— playing queer makebelieve— which is bullshit. Just because we don’t look queer or wear the uniform doesn’t make us any less valid. What does looking queer even mean? Do we have to have matching genitals? Do we need to be glitter packed, wrapped in feather boas, shitting rainbows all the time in order for people to believe us? ‘Cause that’s not gonna happen. It’s not our style. It’s literally not in our biological cards.

I get it though, we want some kind of validity, some truth to the claim. We don’t need posers. Don’t just say you’re queer because you think it’s trendy and cool. Be honest with yourself about how you feel and who you love. Say it loud and proud if same-sex/trans/NB/genderfluid folks/etc. put a tingle in your hearts and in your holes. If you’re queer you’re queer, If you’re not you’re not. It’s fine. (Although being one is definitely cooler than the other, sorry not sorry).

There’s no right way to be queer. You can mix and match the rainbow in any configuration and be considered valid! Though still to this day, a large part of our culture thinks there’s only two genders and only two valid forms of orientation. Let me break it down real quick. People often confuse sex and gender. Quite simply, sex is your biology and gender is your mental orientation and the mind is a beautifully complex rubix cube capable of infinitely shapeshifting. There are a myriad of ways to be a part of the community. There are gays, lesbians, bisexuals, trans folks, drag queens, gender fluids, non-binaries, pansexuals, asexuals, onmisexuals, *deep breath* sapiosexuals, intersexes, demisexuals, people questioning, and many more.

So, if you’re reading this, wondering which end of the spectrum you fall on, that’s a noble journey. Explore! Evaluate and experiment. Ask yourself which brand of queer you subscribe to; what color of the rainbow represents you the most. It’s alright to question your queerdom but if you have to question whether you’re queer enough? Yes, yes you are.

Oof, and, I hate to break it to you cis hets but if you’re dating a nonbinary/genderfluid person or if you think trans people and drag queens are attractive, you’re a little more queer than you thought. Don’t fight it, just join the club, babe.